Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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