i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You're like the curious george of whores
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Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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