So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
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it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
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I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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