yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
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Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
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I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize