had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize