do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
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I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
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after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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