I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize