btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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