I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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