This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize