All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
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i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
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This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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