I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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