So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
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She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
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Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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