just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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