Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I will pee on everything he values.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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