i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
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I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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