Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
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The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
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Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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