Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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