his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
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This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
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Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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