dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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