he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
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can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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