please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
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