At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
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Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
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She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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