thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
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One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
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Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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