I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize