i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize