omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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