i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
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