It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
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Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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