I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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