Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I wear drunk well.
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