Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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