I will die if light touches me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize