I must be too annoying 4 u.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize