Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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