i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
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She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
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My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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