Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize