so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
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I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
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just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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