Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize