Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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