I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
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Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
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You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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