just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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