I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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