woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
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I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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