Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
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Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
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he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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