What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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