I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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