areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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