i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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