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I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
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