I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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